“Sirens” Season 1 Review – Billionaire Psychos, Cult Vibes & Carnage

TL;DR:

Sirens Season 1 is like watching a high-society hostage situation unfold in slow motion, with Julianne Moore as the cult-leader-meets-wine-mom from hell. It’s dark, twisted, and full of rich people behaving badly—basically, criminal mastermind catnip. Think Succession meets Gone Girl on a private island with better lighting. 9/10 grenades. Watch it. Then maybe steal a yacht. 🤘💅💣

Right. Imagine if Succession, The White Lotus, and a bottle of absinthe had an orgy on a billionaire’s yacht. That’s Sirens.

Netflix, bless its twisted soul, has given us a new guilty pleasure that feels less like a TV show and more like watching the aftermath of a Bond girl and a Bond villain having a custody battle—while a hurricane rips through the estate.

Let’s get into it, shall we?

THE PLOT – “FAMILY DRAMA” BUT MAKE IT PSYCHOPATHIC

So, there’s Devon, a walking red flag with a criminal record longer than my Amazon wishlist. She shows up on a posh private island where her sister Simone has gone full Stepford Wife under the wing of billionaire ice-queen Michaela “Kiki” Kell—played by Julianne Moore, who’s clearly having the time of her life channeling both your therapist and your worst nightmare.

Devon wants her sister back. Kiki wants control. Simone just wants a moment to breathe without one of them threatening to break something (emotionally or literally).

What follows is 6 episodes of gaslighting, backstabbing, passive-aggressive brunches, and more plot twists than a Mission: Impossible script written by a drunk octopus.

THE CAST – “I TRUST HER” SAID NO ONE, EVER

• Julianne Moore as Kiki: Imagine if Martha Stewart ran a cult and also dabbled in assassination. That’s Kiki. She’s calm, composed, and absolutely unhinged in a way that makes you say, “God, I love her—but also, hide the knives.”

• Meghann Fahy as Devon: She radiates chaos like a stolen Bugatti radiates heat. You never know if she’s about to cry, kill someone, or light a cigar with your apology note.

• Milly Alcock as Simone: She’s what happens when you mix innocence with deeply repressed rage. Give this girl a therapy budget and a flamethrower.

THE ISLAND – PARADISE, BUT WITH VIBES

This island is rich rich. The kind of place where salads cost €300 and no one ever wears socks. But instead of sipping rosé, people are plotting betrayals under the lemon trees. It’s all sun-drenched dread and scenic manipulation. Like The White Lotus if everyone there actually deserved to die.

THE TONE – GORGEOUSLY MESSED UP

If you love being the villain in games—if you built your Skyrim character as a backstabbing illusion mage with a thing for chaos—this is your vibe. It’s got that same energy: manipulation as a love language, loyalty as a currency, and betrayal as the season finale.

It’s slow at first, like the build-up to a bank robbery. But by episode three, you’re strapping C4 to the plot and yelling, “Let’s blow this thing wide open!”

BEST LINE THAT SUMS IT UP:

“You think you’re in control? Darling, you’re on my island.”

(AKA: Kiki basically saying, “Sit down before I use your spine as a coaster.”)

Using the Criminal Mastermind Score (CMS) tier system, here’s the full breakdown for Sirens Season 1:

Category	Score	Reason
🧠 Genius of the Plan (G)	9/10	The psychological manipulation is meticulous—like Ocean’s Eleven, but with couture and emotional blackmail.
🗣️ Loyalty & Betrayal (L)	10/10	Sisters turning on each other, trust issues thicker than the plot—Shakespeare would blush.
😈 Unhinged Vibes (U)	8.5/10	It’s a perfume ad directed by Satan. Controlled chaos wrapped in silk and side-eyes.
🚬 Morally Grey Mayhem (M)	7.5/10	There’s no gunfire, but the emotional damage alone could qualify as psychological warfare.

CMS Total: 87 / 100

Tier: 🔥 The Heist Everyone Talks About

Summary:Sirens isn’t just a show—it’s a calculated takedown dressed in pastel. It doesn’t need car chases when it’s got social manipulation, billionaire cult vibes, and Julianne Moore casually wrecking lives like it’s her Pilates routine.

Final Verdict: Sirens scores an 87—it’s 🔥 The Heist Everyone Talks About: rich, ruthless, and ready to poison your Aperol Spritz.”

🤘💎💄