Grand Theft Gear: The Explosive Debut in Los Santos
- Niels Gys
- Oct 25, 2025
- 3 min read
Broadcast: 25 October 2025 Location: Los Santos International Airport / Vinewood Hills / Sandy Shores Airfield Presenters: Torque Claymore, Frank “Flatfoot” Pembroke, Jonathan Cleves, Ricardo Gervain Guest: None (the guest died in the pre-show drag race)
Opening
The episode begins with Torque Claymore standing in front of three smoking muscle cars and what might once have been an audience.
Torque: “Welcome to Grand Theft Gear — the only motoring show where the speed cameras shoot back.”
He promises “a proper look at driving in Los Santos — loud, illegal, and guaranteed to involve fire.”Moments later, Flatfoot reverses into the studio audience, proving him right.
Cue theme music, explosions, and a quick montage of screaming NPCs, airborne vehicles, and a producer fainting.
News Segment
The team sit at a battered folding table surrounded by wreckage.
Cleves reports that Los Santos Customs is now charging a “loyalty fee” — for people who come back too often after crashing.
Ricardo reads viewer mail: “Can you test cars without killing anyone?”
Torque: “No. That would make it a podcast.”
Flatfoot announces he tested a new electric scooter. The footage cuts to a fireball.
Torque: “So… efficient, then.”
Feature 1: The Muscle Car Renaissance
Cars Tested:
Vapid Dominator ASP
Classique Broadway
Declasse Vamos
Torque takes the Dominator ASP onto the Los Santos Freeway, describing it as “a steel argument with traction.” He reaches 130 mph before realising he’s going the wrong way.
Cleves drives the Broadway through Downtown Vinewood, remarking that it’s “a convertible for people who still think jazz is rebellion.”
Meanwhile, Flatfoot’s Vamos bursts into flames after 400 metres.
Flatfoot: “Good airflow.”
Winner: Vapid Dominator ASP, for being “the loudest expression of freedom since the Second Amendment.”
Power Lap
The anonymous racer known only as The Stick-Up takes the Dominator ASP around the CRIMENET track.
Lap Time: 1:26.9 — partly because he spent 12 seconds shooting at police helicopters.
Torque: “Technically still faster than the blimp.”
Feature 2: The Undead Car Show
Cars Tested:
Albany Fränken Stange
Chariot Romero Hearse
Declasse Tornado Rat Rod
Filmed at Los Santos Cemetery.
Cleves calls it “a tasteful gathering of ghouls and midlife crises.”
Flatfoot’s Hearse loses a door while driving over a grave.
Torque: “Adds authenticity.”
Ricardo insists on testing the Rat Rod on Route 68, but ends up pursued by a cult chanting “CAR-NAGE!”
Winner: Fränken Stange, because it looks “undead, unhinged, and uninsurable.”
Challenge: The Supercar Speed Trial
Cars Tested:
Dinka Jester
Dewbauchee Massacro
Benefactor Krieger
Objective: Reach top speed down LSIA runway without dying.
Torque’s Jester hits 195 mph before colliding with a blimp.
Flatfoot’s Krieger reaches 210 mph but overshoots into the Pacific.
Cleves’ Massacro refuses to start.
Cleves: “It sensed irony.”
Winner: Krieger, found one week later, still braking.
Cool Wall
Torque: Dominator — “Sub-Zero.”
Cleves: Fränken Stange — “Cool, but possibly cursed.”
Flatfoot: Krieger — glued on “Uncool” upside-down.
Ricardo: Rat Rod — “So Bad It’s Brilliant.”
The board then catches fire. Everyone claps.
Feature 3: Cheap Car Challenge — Beach Bum Budget Builds
Cars Purchased (Under $100,000):
Cleves — Vulcar Fagaloa
Ricardo — Invetero Coquette D1
Flatfoot — Declasse Tornado Rat Rod
Task 1: Arrive at Vespucci Car Meet without exploding.
Cleves’ Fagaloa catches fire en route.
Flatfoot drives into the canal.
Ricardo parks perfectly, then forgets to pay.
Task 2: Impress local car enthusiasts.
Torque: “Which one would you steal first?”Spectator: “None. They’re insured.”
Winner: Coquette D1, for simply surviving.
Final Challenge: The Sandy Shores Death Rally
Each presenter races their remaining car against armed NPCs around Sandy Shores Airfield.
Torque in the Dominator.
Flatfoot in the Krieger.
Cleves in the Fränken Stange.
Ricardo in the Coquette.
The race immediately dissolves into chaos: explosions, sirens, one helicopter crash, and two lawsuits.
Winner (by default): Flatfoot, the only one still conscious when filming ended.
Episode Summary
Best Car of the Episode: Vapid Dominator ASP
Most Broken: Vulcar Fagaloa
Collateral Damage: 47 vehicles, 83 pedestrians, 1 blimp
Banned Location for Future Filming: The entire state of San Andreas
Torque (closing monologue): “We’ve learned a lot today. Cars are fast, fire is hot, and Flatfoot shouldn’t be allowed near reverse gear. Join us next week when we attempt to cross Blaine County using only mopeds and poor life choices.”
Cue end credits over police sirens.
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