The Woman in the Yard Review: When Paranormal Activity Forgets to Be Active

Last updated: 27/05/2025 --> Release on DVD/Blu-Ray

TL;DR

The Woman in the Yard is a slow-burn horror where the ghost mostly loiters and the scares take a smoke break. Gorgeous visuals, solid acting—but the plot moves like it’s stuck in molasses. More creepy landscaping than actual haunting. Bring popcorn… and patience.

Right, so I watched The Woman in the Yard, a film that promised to be a horror masterpiece but ended up being as thrilling as a Sunday drive in a Prius.

Plot Summary

The story revolves around Ramona, portrayed by Danielle Deadwyler, who, after a tragic car accident that claims her husband's life, is left to care for her two children in a remote farmhouse. As if grief and isolation weren't enough, a mysterious woman dressed in black starts appearing in their yard, doing absolutely nothing but sitting there. 

Terrifying, isn't it?

Performance

Deadwyler delivers a commendable performance, capturing the essence of a grieving mother on the brink of a breakdown. However, her efforts are akin to fitting a V12 engine into a lawnmower—it might be powerful, but it's entirely wasted in this context.

Direction and Cinematography

Director Jaume Collet-Serra attempts to create a suspenseful atmosphere, but the pacing is so slow that I had time to grab a beer, drink it, and contemplate the meaning of life between each scene. The cinematography is decent, with some shots capturing the eerie isolation of the setting, but it's not enough to salvage the film.

Conclusion

In summary, The Woman in the Yard is a film that tries to be a psychological horror but ends up being a psychological bore. It's like expecting a thrilling ride in a sports car and ending up on a tricycle with a flat tire. If you're looking for genuine scares and a gripping storyline, you're better off watching paint dry—it'll be more exciting.

🧨 Criminal Mastermind Score (CMS): 41/100

It’s like The Babadook mated with a Home Depot ad and gave birth to a horror film that thinks sitting ominously in grass is peak terror. The Woman in the Yard has atmosphere in spades but forgets to actually do anything with it—unless your idea of suspense is staring contests with a ghost who apparently has no Wi-Fi and nothing better to do.

CMS Breakdown

Villain Charisma – 6/20

• The titular woman? She sits. She stares. She vibes. Is she a ghost? A squatter? An introvert with boundary issues? No one knows. She’s about as charismatic as a soggy scarecrow, and not even a menacing one—more like one that forgot why it came outside.

Scheme Complexity – 3/20

• There is no plan. No grand haunting. Not even a passive-aggressive Post-it note. The ghost’s entire "scheme" seems to be: appear in the yard, lurk vaguely, disappear, repeat. If this is psychological warfare, it was designed by someone who gets winded rearranging patio furniture.

Chaos Quotient – 4/20

• One car crash, a few nightmare flashes, and some whispery tension that fizzles faster than a flat soda. There’s less chaos here than in a library after closing time. Even the jump scares feel like they’re apologizing as they happen.

Aesthetic & Atmosphere – 18/20

• Now we’re talking. The film looks haunted. Every frame is dipped in dread and Instagram-worthy gloom. The house is peak horror real estate, and the cinematography says, “Yes, your soul will be consumed, but it’ll look great on your feed.”

Rootability of Evil – 10/20

• You don’t root for the woman. You mostly want her to explain herself, pay rent, or leave. But Ramona? You feel for her. She’s doing her best with two kids, grief, and a backyard specter who clearly skipped Haunting 101.

Final Verdict

The Woman in the Yard is what happens when a ghost story forgets to actually haunt. It’s eerie, yes, but like a mild draft from an open window—spooky until you realize it’s just bad insulation. Danielle Deadwyler acts her heart out, but the plot moves slower than a funeral procession stuck behind a tractor.

It’s beautifully shot, gorgeously moody, and about as scary as accidentally liking your ex’s Instagram post from 2017. There’s a good story buried here… somewhere near the hydrangeas.

Perfect for

Watching with the lights off, a blanket on, and one eye on Realo because you know that house is cursed but you still want it.

Avoid if

You expect your ghosts to do something besides loiter like an emotionally unavailable raccoon.