Wake Up Dead Man — Even God Needs a Drink After This
- Niels Gys
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
TL;DR
A murder mystery so juicy it’ll make you eye every choirboy like a suspect.
“Wake Up Dead Man” is the cinematic equivalent of discovering your priest can out-lie your drug dealer.
Dark? Yes. Funny? Constantly. Stylish? Absolutely. Respectful of religion? HAHAHAHAHAHA no.
But does it deliver a murder mystery with flavor, swagger, and divine chaos? Amen, brother.
Quick Pick: Want more sharp mystery vibes? Grab Knives Out on Amazon
Or get detective-fuel on Green Man Gaming: LA Noire
Criminal Fantasy Fulfillment — Sin Me Up, Daddy
There’s something deliciously illegal about watching a murder unfold in a church. It’s like the filmmakers said: “Fuck it. We’ve done yachts. We’ve done tech bros. Let’s piss off God next.” Perfect.
You’re not rooting for a jewel thief, or a mobster, or a billionaire. No. You’re rooting for a priest who looks like he Googles ‘how to dispose of evidence’ during Bible study.
That’s peak criminal fantasy. The kind of gleeful wrongness that makes you grin like the devil behind a confessional.
Plot & Pacing — Like a Homily That Suddenly Pulls a Knife
The first act is calm… suspiciously calm. You sit there thinking,“Wow, is this the one Knives Out where nobody dies?”
And then, BANG. A corpse, a panic attack, and a choir that suddenly looks VERY nervous.
Benoit Blanc takes 40 minutes to show up, which is honestly rude. But when he does, he appears like a Southern-fried angel descending into chaos thinking: “Right, who among you did the murder? And why does this church smell like lies and furniture polish?”
Once Blanc arrives, the film goes from “documentary on candle maintenance” to “CSI: Book of Revelations.”
Characters & Performances — A Zoo in Church Clothes
Josh O’Connor (the priest) is sweating so hard he looks like his soul is buffering. Perfect casting.
He radiates the energy of a man thinking:“Please don’t check the basement. PLEASE don’t check the basement.”
Daniel Craig? He is having so much fun it should be illegal. His Benoit Blanc is like a polite hurricane in linen, charming, unstoppable, and asking questions nobody wants to answer.
The rest of the cast is a delightful circus:
One looks guilty even when drinking tea
One is clearly lying for sport
One could commit a crime and immediately blame “evil spirits”
It’s glorious chaos.
Dialogue & Writing — Gossip, But Make It Deadly
The script is sharp enough to circumcise. Every line feels like it was sharpened on a pew and dipped in sarcasm.
People aren’t talking. They’re social-fencing with Bible verses and emotional trauma.
Zero beige. Zero fluff. This is the good stuff.
World & Atmosphere — God Is Watching, and He’s Judging Everyone
This church? This church has seen things. It looks like it was built specifically for a horror game, complete with:
Shadows that snitch
Statues that definitely saw the murder
Candles that flicker like they’re whispering “run”
The whole place is basically a cathedral-shaped pressure cooker.
Interrogation Break:
If this movie makes you want to solve crimes yourself, start with Hitman: World of Assassination
Direction & Style — Rian Johnson, Gothic Edition
No flashy car chases. No neon cities. Just pure atmosphere, like Johnson tried to film guilt itself.
It’s stylish, moody, confident, and about as subtle as a hymn book thrown at your head.
And honestly? Good.
Soundtrack & Mood — Gregorian Chant but Make It Crime
The score is mostly strings, organs, and “oh no, someone is lying.”
Nothing overly dramatic. Nothing Marvel-level obnoxious. Just elegant dread with a sprinkle of “Jesus is NOT happy about this.”
Morality & Madness — Everyone’s a Sinner, Some Just Have Better Alibis
This film doesn’t have heroes. Just various shades of “I definitely did something illegal at some point.”
Every single character walks around with the moral compass of a malfunctioning Roomba.
It’s perfect CRIMENET territory:
✔ No heroes
✔ No cops with functioning IQ
✔ Just messy, guilty humans falling apart in a holy building
Rewatchability — High. Holy. And Hilariously tense.
This isn’t a background film.This is a “don’t blink, don’t breathe, don’t trust ANYONE” movie.
You’ll want to rewatch it just to catch:
the side-eyes
the micro-lies
the priest sweating like he’s being grilled by Saint Peter himself
FAQ
Is Wake Up Dead Man worth watching in 2025? Yes. Unless you hate fun or churches. In that case, skip both.
Is it better than Glass Onion? If you like darker, moodier, holier chaos? Absolutely.
Do I need to watch the others first? No. But you should, because Blanc is the only detective who could solve a murder using vibes alone.
Is it scary? Only if you’ve ever done something morally questionable in a church. So yes. For everyone.
Does Daniel Craig still slap as Benoit Blanc? He slaps. He slices. He flambés. Man’s unstoppable.
Can I watch this with my parents? Do you enjoy awkward silence? Then yes.
Before you leave the crime scene:
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