Masters of Albion Is Not a Crime Game… It’s a Medieval Tyrant Simulator That Turns You Into a Monster

TL;DR (For Criminals With No Patience)

• You’re a god. Not the loving kind. The “throw lightning at interns” kind

• No heists. No crime empire. Just… divine workplace violations

• You can be evil. The game practically hands you a pitchfork and says “go on then”

• Brilliant ideas buried under controls that feel like they were designed by a drunk octopus

• Early Access energy: half genius, half “who left the oven door open?”

CRIMENET VERDICT

Crime: ❌

Heist: ❌

Play As Villain: ✅ (Oh, you absolute menace)

You thought this game would let you be a criminal mastermind. Instead you became a medieval middle manager with anger issues. If you want actual crime, go read our Payday guides and grab Payday 3 on Amazon before your villagers unionize.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gu-pkBoGr4Q

The Review

There’s a very specific fantasy at the heart of Masters of Albion.

It’s not “be a hero.”It’s not “save the world.”

It’s: “What if you had unlimited power… and absolutely no HR department?”

And let me tell you something. I went in thinking I’d be a wise, generous deity. A sort of medieval Santa Claus with better posture.

Ten minutes later, I was hurling peasants across the map like overcooked spaghetti and forcing the survivors to eat rat stew so production wouldn’t drop.

So yes. The villain fantasy works.

You’re Not a Criminal… You’re Worse

If you came here hoping for Payday with chickens, I’ve got bad news.

There are no heists. No robberies. No sneaky little midnight bank jobs.

Instead, you’re a floating omnipotent hand with the moral compass of a broken shopping trolley.

You build a village. You manage resources. You possess people. You guide heroes. You zap things with lightning when they annoy you, which is most of the time.

This is not crime.

This is management.

Which, frankly, is often more evil.

The Moment It All Went Wrong

At some point, the game gently nudges you toward efficiency.

“Feed your people,” it says.

Lovely.

So you do.

But then… you realize feeding them properly is slow. Expensive. Annoyingly humane.

Meanwhile, there’s a pile of rats.

And suddenly you’re standing there, like a morally bankrupt Gordon Ramsay, thinking:

“Technically… this is protein.”

That’s when it hits you.

You’re not playing a god.

You’re playing a CEO with lightning powers.

The Systems: Brilliant… in the Way a Homemade Rocket Is Brilliant

Underneath all the chaos, there’s something genuinely clever here.

You’ve got:

• Town building

• Crafting chains

• Hero possession

• Day-night cycles

• Reactive systems

It’s like someone threw Black & White, Fable, and a medieval spreadsheet into a blender and hit “liquefy.”

And sometimes, it works beautifully.

You’ll have these moments where everything clicks: ,Your town runs smoothly, resources flow, your people behave, and you feel like a genius.

Then five minutes later, the controls trip over themselves, your villagers forget how to exist, and you’re dragging someone across the map wondering if you’re the problem.

You are the problem.

But also… the game is.

This game didn’t give you control. It gave you chaos with paperwork. Fix that with a Logitech G502 HERO Gaming Mouse and at least dominate something properly. While you’re at it, check our best GTA money-making guides.

Combat: Like Slapping Someone With a Wet Newspaper

Combat exists.

That’s about the nicest thing I can say about it.

You can possess heroes, fight enemies, defend your town at night… all very heroic on paper.

In practice, it feels like trying to swordfight while wearing oven mitts.

It’s not broken.

It’s just… awkward. Like a first date where both people brought their mothers.

Controls & Jank: The True Final Boss

If evil had a physical form in this game, it wouldn’t be you.

It would be the controls.

They’re not terrible, but they have this uncanny ability to make simple actions feel like you’re performing brain surgery with a spoon.

Pick up villager? Sure.

Place villager? Maybe.

Accidentally launch villager into orbit? Constantly.

There’s a good game in here.

It’s just currently trapped inside something that occasionally behaves like it’s buffering real life.

Villain Power Fantasy: Oh Yes, You Absolute Monster

This is where Masters of Albion earns its CRIMENET badge.

You can:

• Overwork your people

• Feed them questionable “food”

• Throw them around like toys

• Possess them like a supernatural parasite

• Smite things because you’re bored

And the game doesn’t judge you.

It just quietly watches as you descend into moral bankruptcy.

It’s less “evil mastermind” and more “casual war crime enthusiast with a building permit.”

The Molyneux Situation

Right. We need to talk about the elephant in the room.

Peter Molyneux.

The man who has promised more features over the years than a dodgy car salesman on espresso.

This game feels like him walking into the room and saying:

“Look… I might have exaggerated a bit before… but THIS one… this one might actually work.”

And you know what?

It might.

But right now, it’s still in that awkward teenage phase where it’s got potential, attitude, and absolutely no idea what to do with its limbs.

Strong Points

• Genuinely fun god complex fantasy

• Systems that occasionally click in brilliant ways

• Freedom to be an absolute menace

• Charming, weird, unpredictable sandbox moments

Weak Points

• Controls that feel like they’re legally drunk

• Combat that exists purely out of obligation

• Janky systems that randomly fall apart

• Not even remotely a crime or heist game

Final Verdict (Charge Sheet)

Charges:

• Abuse of divine power

• Forced labor

• Questionable culinary decisions involving rodents

• Repeatedly throwing civilians for entertainment

Verdict:

Guilty… but fascinating

Sentence:

Return in 12 months once it’s learned how to walk in a straight line without tripping over its own ambition.

You expected heists. You got rat soup and workplace violations. Treat yourself to Kingdom Come: Deliverance Royal Edition on Amazon for real medieval grit, then come back and see how far Albion still has to go.

FAQ

Is Masters of Albion a crime game?No. Unless you consider workplace exploitation a felony, in which case you’re running a medieval prison camp.

Can you play as a villain?Yes. In fact, the game gently pushes you toward becoming a morally questionable disaster.

Are there heists or robberies?No. Not even a cheeky pickpocket. This is not that kind of chaos.

Is it worth playing right now?If you enjoy messy, ambitious Early Access games with big ideas, yes. If you want polish, come back later.

What kind of game is it really?A god game with management systems, possession mechanics, and a strong temptation to become a terrible person.