PolyCrime – The Ambitious Crime Simulator That Accidentally Left Its Pants at Home

TL;DR

It’s brilliant, broken, and full of ambition. Like starting your own cartel—only with fewer guns and more patch notes.

PolyCrime isn’t a bad game—it’s an unfinished legend. It’s got the swagger, the ambition, and the criminal charm. What it lacks right now is the polish, the chaos, and maybe a few extra brain cells for the cops.

If you love building empires, breaking laws, and watching potential bloom in real time, you’ll adore it. If you prefer your games finished, polished, and functional—give it six months and a few patches.

Brilliant concept, slightly drunk execution—but I’d still buy a ticket for the getaway car.

💸 Feeling the itch to build your own digital empire? Start your career in organized chaos with Grand Theft Auto V: Enhanced Edition or go full stealth-psycho with Hitman World of Assassination — both dirt-cheap on Fanatical right now. If you prefer your crime scripted but classy, grab The Sopranos: Complete Series Blu-ray and study the art of business meetings that end with concrete shoes.

Freedom of Crime

PolyCrime kicks off with a hell of a promise: a living city where gangs remember your crimes, cops actually investigate you, and your friends can rob you online like sociopathic bankers. It’s like the devs read GTA Online and thought, “What if we made this but with spreadsheets?”

And to their credit—it’s fun! You can grow weed, bribe cops, hack bank accounts, and generally make capitalism look like the tutorial level. The problem? The city currently feels like a diorama: gorgeous, full of potential, but mostly populated by ghosts and confused NPCs who look like they’re waiting for better AI to arrive by bus.

It’s less Grand Theft Auto, more Grand Theft Beta.

Criminal Fantasy Fulfillment

The idea of rising from street-level dealer to criminal godfather is intoxicating. Unfortunately, so is the camera shake. You start small—planting drugs like a disappointed gardener—and end up dreaming of PvP invasions, business ownership, and darkweb assassinations that will come later.

Right now, being a crime lord in PolyCrime feels like trying to start a mafia in SimCity. You have power, technically. But also: your henchmen bump into walls, your empire runs on Windows XP, and the only thing truly organised is the chaos.

Still, when it works, it works. You’ll smirk, mumble “this is genius,” and then immediately fall through the floor.

Mission Design

The missions are the digital equivalent of IKEA furniture: functional, slightly confusing, and guaranteed to leave you with a few screws missing.

Most tasks boil down to “talk to someone, pick up something, sell something,” which is fine for a game still under construction. But if you were expecting intricate heists with music swelling and cops shouting through megaphones—hold your horses. The “criminal empire” part currently feels more like an internship in villainy.

You’re less Walter White, more the guy who cleans Walter White’s RV.

Money & Progression

The economy’s solid enough. You plant, produce, sell, reinvest, and slowly become the Elon Musk of narcotics. But there’s still some balancing to do. One patch fixed a duplication glitch that let players spawn infinite drugs—essentially making it Drug Dealer Tycoon: Infinite Edition.

There’s potential for empire upgrades, staff, passive income, and a darkweb economy. It’s all very promising. But at the moment, the “progression” feels like saving up for a Ferrari, only to discover you’ve bought the manual.

You’ll get rich eventually, but it’ll involve patience, caffeine, and a strong tolerance for bugs.

🧠 Upgrade your criminal toolkit. Tired of low-poly drug plants and want the real entrepreneurial thrill? Test your empire-building reflexes in Empire of Sin or Cartel Tycoon — both top-rated strategy sims for wannabe kingpins. And when you’re done laundering virtual money, unwind with Breaking Bad: The Complete Series 4K — the documentary that made accountants look dangerous.

World & Sandbox

PolyCrime’s world claims to be “alive.” It is, technically—just not lively. It’s a bit like walking through a nightclub at 4 AM after everyone’s left. The lights are still on, but the vibe’s gone home.

The cops exist, but often act like they’re beta-testing their own brains. The gangs exist, but seem too polite to actually shoot anyone. It’s a sandbox, yes—but more the kind where the cats have been before you.

Still, give it time. The foundations are there for something truly explosive. You can see the potential simmering underneath the jank. When it clicks, it’ll go off like a grenade in a Gucci store.

Crew & NPCs

Your so-called “crew” mostly stand around like they’ve been hired for a photo shoot. Conversations are limited, personalities are minimal, and emotional investment is non-existent. You’ll want a ragtag bunch of crooks with charm and betrayal written all over them. Instead, you get people who look like they just learned how to blink.

To be fair, the devs are planning “deeper interactions,” which is code for “our NPCs will eventually stop looking like mannequins.”

We’re rooting for it. Because every good crime needs great accomplices—and this crew, bless them, still think “stealth” means standing perfectly still.

Police & Law Response

The police are less “law enforcement” and more “unpaid extras from a forgotten BBC drama.” They show up, they wave guns, sometimes they forget what guns are. You can bribe them, outrun them, or confuse them simply by walking in circles.

Chases are… entertaining. Not because they’re thrilling, but because they’re unpredictable. You’ll either be cornered instantly or watch the cops glitch into a lamppost. It’s less Need for Speed, more Need for Patch 1.2.

Style & Atmosphere

Visually, PolyCrime leans into that “low-poly-but-gritty” aesthetic—like Minecraft took up organized crime. It’s stylish enough, with a crisp UI and solid environmental lighting. But it still feels early-access rough around the edges, like a suit that doesn’t quite fit yet.

The soundtrack? Fine. The gun sounds? Acceptable. The vibe? Somewhere between Narcos and Euro Truck Simulator, depending on what you’re doing.

Give it another year and it might genuinely look and sound like a criminal masterpiece. For now, it’s the right mood, just missing the melody.

Replayability

There’s replay value in experimenting. Try different deals, new gang allegiances, or maybe just plant a suspicious amount of oregano to mess with the AI. But after a few hours, you’ll notice the patterns—and the illusion of endless chaos fades.

Still, it’s Early Access. The devs promise seasonal drops, business ownership, and PvP invasions down the line. Once that hits, it’ll have legs. Currently, it’s jogging in flip-flops.

Multiplayer

Technically, yes, it’s multiplayer. You can play with friends, trade, maybe even ruin each other’s empires. But don’t expect Payday 2. It’s a polite kind of criminal collaboration—the kind where everyone still says “good game” after hacking your wallet.

The devs are expanding it with co-op, darkweb wars, and PvP invasions. When that arrives, PolyCrime might finally become the chaos buffet it was meant to be.

For now, it’s more of a quiet dinner party with mild felonies.

FAQ

Is PolyCrime worth it in 2025? Yes, if you like building empires out of bugs and ambition. No, if you expect GTA VI with a conscience.

How broken is it, really? Let’s say it’s “creatively unstable.” You’ll see glitches—but half of them are hilarious.

Can I play it with friends? You can, though it currently feels more “co-op probation” than “criminal partnership.”

Will it get better? Absolutely. The devs are passionate, transparent, and clearly high on caffeine. Give them time.

Should I wait for full release? If you’re patient—yes. If you enjoy chaos and potential—jump in now.

Want to see what a finished crime sandbox looks like?

Check out our Top 30 Heist Games to Play in 2025 or our GTA Online Ultimate Money Guide.

And if you enjoy laughing at broken ambition as much as we do—subscribe to This Week in Crime below. It’s free, illegal in three countries, and probably funnier than your last arrest.