Thick As Thieves Review (2026): A Proper Heist Game Or A £5 Pickpocket With Delusions?
- Niels Gys
- 2 days ago
- 7 min read
TL;DR
Yes, Thick As Thieves is a real stealth-heist game. You play as a thief, sneak through guarded estates, steal valuables, complete contracts, and escape before everything goes sideways.
The problem?
It currently feels like someone built the foundations of a brilliant criminal career and then wandered off halfway through construction to go drink whiskey behind a shed.
Worth buying?
YES, if you love stealth games and understand this is a small €5 experience.
NO, if you expect the next Payday, Hitman, or Thief masterpiece.
CRIMENET Rating: 7/10
Verdict: Promising little thief simulator with real criminal DNA, but currently built like a getaway car missing several doors.
What Actually Matters
Good:
✔ You actually play as a thief
✔ Real stealth and burglary gameplay
✔ Proper heist tension
✔ Cheap price
✔ Replayable missions
Bad:
✘ Very limited launch content
✘ Mission timer annoys some players
✘ No mid-mission saving
✘ Rough edges and jank
✘ Feels unfinished in places
If you like sneaking around stealing shiny objects from rich idiots, you’ll probably enjoy this.
If you want a massive criminal sandbox, back away slowly.
Still trying to decide whether Thick As Thieves belongs in your criminal résumé or deserves immediate parole? Before you disappear into the night, have a look at our Best Heist Games To Play Right Now list. Some games make you feel like a criminal mastermind. Others make you feel like a man stealing teaspoons while sweating aggressively behind a curtain.
What Is Thick As Thieves?
At its core, Thick As Thieves is a first-person stealth-heist game where you join a thieves’ guild, accept contracts, infiltrate guarded locations, steal valuables, avoid guards, and escape with your loot before the whole operation collapses into chaos.
Imagine if Thief, Dishonored, and a burglar with terrible life choices got trapped in a Victorian pub and attempted to design a stealth game after four drinks too many.
You sneak.
You steal.
You escape.
That’s the loop.
No heroic nonsense. No chosen-one destiny. No “save the kingdom” rubbish where everyone speaks like they swallowed a fantasy dictionary.
You are here to rob people.
Splendid.
What Do You Actually Do?
The gameplay loop is refreshingly simple:
You take contracts.
You infiltrate locations.
You avoid guards.
You loot valuables.
You complete objectives.
You escape alive.
That’s it.
And honestly? There is something deeply satisfying about quietly robbing a building while security patrols wander around like underpaid shopping mall guards convinced they’re protecting nuclear launch codes.
The stealth works.
Light matters.
Positioning matters.
Patrol timing matters.
Greed absolutely matters.
Because every stealth game eventually asks the same dangerous question:
“Should I leave with my loot…”
or
“…steal one more thing and ruin my own evening?”
Naturally, most people choose greed.
And then immediately regret it.
Is The Criminal Fantasy Actually Real?
Yes. Completely.
This is not one of those games where marketing screams "Become the ultimate criminal mastermind!" and then reality turns out to be picking flowers while occasionally trespassing.
You are a thief.
Stealing is the entire point.
Contracts revolve around burglary.
The game rewards successful theft.
Sneaking and criminal behaviour are the central mechanics.
Nobody accidentally made this criminal-themed.
Crime is the engine.
The fantasy is real.
It’s just… smaller than many players might expect.
Think “criminal side hustle” rather than “global criminal empire.”
The Best Parts
1. It Actually Understands Why Stealth Is Fun
A shocking number of stealth games somehow forget the basic joy of being an absolute goblin in expensive houses.
Thick As Thieves gets it.
Sneaking past guards.
Learning routes.
Spotting opportunities.
Finding hidden loot.
Escaping by the skin of your teeth.
When it clicks, the game creates those beautiful little moments where your pulse goes from calm to “dear God dear God dear God” in approximately three seconds.
That feeling is stealth gaming cocaine.
2. The Price Is Ridiculously Reasonable
This costs around €5.
Five.
That is less than most people spend on takeaway regret.
At this price point, expectations shift dramatically.
You are not buying a gigantic stealth epic with 100 hours of content and a budget the size of Belgium.
You are buying a focused stealth snack.
And judged as a stealth snack, it becomes much easier to appreciate.
3. Replayability Exists
Maps change.
Contracts vary.
Guard behaviour shifts.
Objectives can feel different between runs.
So while content is limited, there is some replay value if you genuinely enjoy sneaking and optimisation.
Stealth fans tend to replay games anyway because apparently suffering through failure repeatedly is a hobby.
If this review saved you from spending money on digital disappointment, consider buying CRIMENET a coffee on Ko-fi. I spend an unreasonable amount of time digging through patch notes, player complaints, stealth disasters, and criminal nonsense so you don’t accidentally buy a robbery simulator built from optimism and duct tape.
The Worst Parts
1. It Feels Small
This is the biggest issue.
There are currently:
Two playable thieves
Two maps
Six gear items
Sixteen contracts
That is not tiny.
But it is absolutely not huge either.
You can see the edges of the experience much faster than many players hoped.
It feels less like a fully operational criminal empire and more like somebody successfully built the lobby.
2. The Timer Divides People
Some missions use a 45-minute limit.
Some players enjoy the pressure.
Others react like someone personally insulted their grandmother.
If you enjoy methodical stealth at snail speed, this may irritate you.
Because nothing ruins your criminal zen quite like a clock aggressively reminding you that your burglary appointment is ending soon.
3. No Mid-Mission Save
This one genuinely stings.
Stealth games and save systems belong together like criminals and poor decision-making.
Messing up late into a run can feel brutal.
Especially if you enjoy experimenting.
Performance, Bugs & Rough Edges
The good news:
The game does not appear catastrophically broken.
Which in modern gaming is frankly a miracle worthy of church bells.
The bad news:
There are complaints about:
Jank
Limited settings
Missing quality-of-life features
Some unclear objectives
Occasional technical frustrations
Nothing screams “total disaster.”
But equally, nobody is pretending this launched polished enough to eat off.
It feels very much like Version 1 of something that could become considerably better.
What Players Seem To Think
The overall mood right now is:
“Promising, but needs more.”
Players who enjoy stealth tend to like it.
Players expecting a giant premium experience often bounce off.
Which makes sense.
Buying this expecting Hitman is like buying a scooter and being furious it isn’t a Ferrari.
Wrong expectations. Wrong emotional journey.
Thick As Thieves vs Similar Games
If you love Hitman:
Less sandbox freedom. More focused burglary.
If you love Payday 2:
Far stealthier and slower. Less explosions. Fewer screaming civilians.
If you love Thief:
Probably the closest comparison. Similar DNA, smaller ambition.
If you love Dishonored:
Less chaos, less supernatural nonsense, more straightforward stealing.
Who Should Buy Thick As Thieves?
Buy it if:
You love stealth games.
You miss classic thief fantasy.
You enjoy replayable sneaking.
You want a cheap criminal game with actual burglary mechanics.
You don’t mind rough edges.
Who Should Skip It?
Skip it if:
You want a huge game.
You hate timers.
You expect AAA polish.
You want deep progression systems.
You prefer loud crime over quiet crime.
If your ideal criminal fantasy involves machine guns, helicopters, and shouting at hostages, this is not your circus.
Final Verdict
Thick As Thieves is a genuinely fun little stealth-heist game trapped inside a launch package that feels too small for its own ambition.
The criminal fantasy works.
The stealth works.
The burglary loop works.
The problem is scale.
Right now, it feels like the opening chapter of something that desperately wants to become great.
For €5, though?
Honestly, yes.
If you enjoy stealth games, there’s enough here to justify the asking price.
Just don’t arrive expecting the second coming of Thief wrapped in gold plating and dramatic choir music.
This is a scrappy burglar with good instincts and slightly unfinished paperwork.
And weirdly?
That still makes it pretty easy to recommend.
CRIMENET Final Score: 7/10
Worth Playing? Yes
Worth Buying Full Price? Yes, if you like stealth
Wait For Updates? Recommended for cautious buyers
FAQ
Is Thick As Thieves worth buying in 2026?
Yes, for the right player. If you enjoy stealth games, burglary mechanics, and replayable sneaking, Thick As Thieves is worth its low asking price. Just don’t expect a gigantic content-heavy stealth masterpiece. This is a compact heist game, not a criminal empire simulator.
Can you actually play as a thief in Thick As Thieves?
Yes. Properly. You play as a member of a thieves’ guild, take contracts, infiltrate guarded locations, steal valuables, avoid guards, and escape with loot. Crime is not side content here. Theft is the entire bloody business model.
Is Thick As Thieves multiplayer or co-op?
Yes, but limited. The game supports single-player and two-player online co-op. It originally started life as a PvPvE concept, but the developers shifted focus toward solo and co-op stealth before launch.
How long is Thick As Thieves?
The core experience is relatively short. Most players will likely finish the main content in around 4 to 6 hours, though replayability comes from changing contracts, different routes, shifting guard patterns, and loot optimisation. If you love stealth games, you’ll probably replay missions. If not, you may finish it and immediately wander off.
Is Thick As Thieves like Payday 2 or Hitman?
Not really. It’s much closer to Thief than Payday 2. Think sneaking, stealing, shadows, timing, and quiet criminal behaviour. Less “heavily armed lunatics screaming during a bank robbery,” more “gremlin burglar stealing silverware while guards are distracted.”
Does Thick As Thieves have bugs or technical issues?
Some, yes. The game is not disastrously broken, but players have reported rough edges, limited settings, occasional jank, and missing quality-of-life features like mid-mission saves. It feels more “promising first version” than polished stealth masterpiece.
The games industry changes faster than a getaway driver spotting flashing lights. One week a heist game looks brilliant, the next it launches with all the structural integrity of wet cardboard. Join This Week in Crime below, CRIMENET’s underworld briefing packed with villain chaos, money methods, savage gaming industry nonsense, and criminal opportunities worth your time.
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